Understanding Guilt…
A Letter From A Therapist: Issue 19
Guilt is a challenging emotion with complex elements and an even more complex process for management because it gradually builds and develops from our stored values and core beliefs. We often feel emotions of guilt when we perceive our values and morals to be violated or compromised. When occasions arise that we are forced or choose to move outside of our moral code guilt often develops. Guilt is a hugely beneficial emotion at times because it is designed to serve as a part of our moral compass. However, when left unacknowledged, guilt is an emotion that could be greatly painful and toxic to us. Unmanaged guilt can often result in further complexities such as severe resentment, depression, and anger.
There can be various types of guilt an individual may suffer from, and identifying particular themes that trigger yours could be beneficial for your treatment and mental health management. Two specific types of guilt that are often explored in therapeutic spaces include survivor’s guilt (which is a common experience for individuals who have suffered trauma or loss) and existential guilt (which can be a more abstract concept triggered by feelings of worthlessness and perception of not doing enough in one’s life). Many times, themes of one’s guilt could come from past developments in familial or relational expectations. Doing the work to process your personal themes of guilt will pay off greatly because it will justify understanding your expectations of self and how it could potentially get in the way in the future. As mentioned above, wen we avoid addressing contexts of guilt, we often find it manifests in alternative averse ways. Unfortunately, the western culture works against the practice of managing guilt due to the presence of perfectionism and related cultural norms.
So what can we do to manage guilt? We can maintain integrity and productive use of it in our life. Rather than ignoring and stifling the emotion we can use it as motivation to make amends, be more intentional with our behaviors, and use a more proactive approach when faced with similar dilemmas going forward. Boundary exploration can be useful in proactively managing elements of guilt because it can challenge us to know preemptively what we can attend to versus what we should politely decline in our commitments. Engaging in cognitive behavioral strategies like reframing can also help to challenge unrealistic expectations we have of ourselves. Above all, bring it to the front in confrontation for yourself and develop an opportunity to resolve - if, however, this opportunity is not practical or available, practicing the art of letting go can be an effective option. Sometimes we need to simply offer ourselves permission to move forward with the past in mind.
Best Regards,
Amanda J. Nowak, LPC. LMHC
June 17, 2025
