Why Can’t I Just Move On…
A Letter From a Therapist: Issue 21
Many people seek out therapy confused about their anxiety. They’ll often perseverate on the fact that historical events still bother them or impact their everyday life. The confusion of why they can’t simply be “over it” can be consuming and trigger depression. If this concept resonates with you, please understand that you are not failing your healing process. Anxiety does not always heal linearly and is not only presently triggered. More often than not, it is rooted in past experiences that your mind has stored in a way to adapt and survive rather than to heal and recover.
For many individuals, the concept of “moving on” is equivalent to surviving. Their adaptive processing system stores the experience in a way that keeps them functional but also may dismiss distressing emotions and avoid exploring the route of their difficulties. For many circumstances, this approach works. It allows the individual to maintain and be self-reliant in the safest way they feel is possible. From an outside perspective, these individuals may appear stable and objectively successful. However, unprocessed experiences don’t disappear simply because time has passed or the experience has been “accepted”. Even if you have “moved on”, your nervous system stays alert.
Frequently, anxiety and distress related to past traumas resurface long after the original experience. Once the dust settles, trauma survivors often notice anxiety without triggers, emotional overreactions, and hypervigilance or feeling on edge. This doesn’t mean the individual is failing at coping, it means their brain actually adapted in a very normative way. The brain learns from these experiences that the world can be unpredictable and unsafe and while the danger is now gone, the nervous system stays alert and online to respond in a way to protect. Even if your mind isn’t conceptually thinking about it, the body still responds as if it is reliving it.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is an expansive approach that has achieved the art of correcting these adaptations. The focus of the practice is not on the “why” anxiety exists, it is more on reprocessing and correctly storing what was learned during the trauma. Clients who engage in this form of treatment report reduction in intensity of anxiety, fewer emotional reactions, improved grounding, and overall symptom relief. Understandably, engaging in trauma treatment is nerve wracking - the idea of reopening old wounds triggers a fear of regression. In reality, however, these distressing responses and reactions exist on a daily basis and can be torturous. EMDR allows the opportunity for true healing by allowing the body to update its understanding of the past and ground in present existence. Consider this your invitation to heal.
Best Regards,
Amanda J. Nowak, LPC, LMHC
January 23rd, 2026
